Well hello there! How are you today? That’s a rather natty T-shirt that you are wearing, it really suits you! Welcome to my house, it’s a little messy, but I have only just moved in. Please be gentle with me, I’m a newbie! Can I get you anything?
As you may have read in the introduction, Pif stands for “Pay it Forward” and that is what we are all about here at The Pif Smile. It’s my little Philosophy that I am looking to progress into a kindness revolution mainly involving hugs and soft furnishings!
I bet your wondering about how all this started aren’t you? Well you have come to right place to find that out.
I started The Pif Smile for two reasons. Firstly I was inspired by Caitlin Moran who writes for The Times and has also written a number of books. I went to her book launch for the book “Moranifesto”. It is a book where she lays out her ideas to make the world a better place. Her personal Manifesto if you will. (see what she did there??) There was one thing that really resonated with me. It was when she said “If you have one idea to change the world do it” This was when the cogs started rolling and the seed of The Pif Smile was planted.
But it wasn’t until August 2017 when it really started to bloom. At the time I was having a difficult time with stress and anxiety. So much so, I was signed off work with GAD (General anxiety disorder). This is when I realised how helpful the kindness of others is. In an increasingly secular and material world, people have lost site of what really matters; and that is kindness. and along with some other like minded individuals, I am trying to redress the balance.
In the past 2 years I have organised a number of free events and raised some money for some of my local charities along the way. but as I am easing you in gently, I will tell you about them in another blog. (so you can have something to look forward to!)
So if you would like to join me on the journey, you are more than welcome. We can swim together, come on in the water’s lovely! You can find me on Instagram at @thepifsmile.
After this evenings news, I felt I compelled to write something.
Never has a celebrity death effected me this deeply before. I’m in complete shock and cannot imagine the amount of pain that Caroline’s family will be going through right now. The death of a close family member is hard. I lost both my parents before I was 40. I never thought I could feel this sad for someone that isn’t a family member or a close friend of mine.
But amongst the sadness that I have for a person that I only really knew through a Television screen, I am feeling a lot of anger. This is a death that could have been prevented. This death didn’t need to happen. Never should anyone be hounded into a corner where they feel that they have no way out. No one should feel the only way out is suicide. To think the only way that they can end their pain is to end everything. She was a beautiful sparkling star that went out too soon.
Some people will say, if you choose the life of a celebrity it comes with the territory. They are just one human being doing their job. How would you feel if hundreds and thousands of people told you that you were shit at your job? Or that you’re getting fatter/you’re getting thinner. You shouldn’t be dating that guy. Why isn’t she married yet?
What would you be thinking? You wouldn’t be happy would you? Celebrities are human beings that make mistakes like we all do. But ours are not published to the world to see. Why are we turning into a society where turning a blind eye has become the norm? Let’s call a spade a spade here; this woman has been systematically bullied by on line trolls the press. And the most sickening thing is those who vilified her are bringing out their condolences. They are empty platitudes from people who can’t see past their own ignorance.
Words hurt and they cut deep. A lot deeper than you realise. I know that from personal experience. I have been bullied by a number of people and so called “friends” on numerous occasions for a large number of my years. In my teens it was coming at me from so many different angles I thought I would be/everyone else would be better off if I wasn’t here. I made it through. But only just.
Trauma like this shapes you. Why is it that it is always the kind ones that are the most delicate? We feel deeply, which is our blessing and our curse. We all need to move forward from this and stop being nice and start being kind. Nice is turning a blind eye to fit in. Kindness is standing up for what is right and good.
If we want to change what’s happened from happening again, stand up and be counted. Block damaging people from your feed. Report the gossip and the fake news. Stop reading the gossip that is profiting off of another person’s misfortune. Instead of being part of the problem, be part of the solution. Money talks, vote with your feet and your wallet. Mental health matters, stop being nice and start being kind. Start a conversation. That one conversation might save someone’s life. Kindness is badass.
Hey you, how’s your day so far? I have been wandering around Cork to see what it has to offer.
I reached my 2nd pit stop of the day (never far away from food!) I am currently sitting in a cafe called Pink Moon, close to UCC in the heart of Cork. Whilst enjoying the warm and inviting atmosphere, I am feeling creative. It might because I’m right in the heart of uni culture where you almost feel you can do anything you want to if you just do it! (even at the age of 43!) It might also have to do with the contemporary, artsy vibe that is eminating out of the corners of this beautifully bijou little cafe.
My tasty lunch from pink moon.
This is why this post is a little later than usual on a Monday. I’m on a small break to see my sister and my niece. I mentioned this in last weeks post that I was coming to see them as she turned 18. (On the same day I turned 43. However I feel more like I’m 25-30. That all really depends on the various aches and pains!) I’m also sitting here thinking about which way I will be taking this little oasis of kindness and oh so fluffiness?
Well…….. firstly I want it to be honest. A stream of consciousness that may be a little waffly but that’s me anyway! It will definitely be here for all things Pif too. I will hopefully be able to build a community of people who have the same core values and really want to change their community for the better.
Another cafe stop. I promise that I’m not eating at every spot! (So what if I am, I’m on holiday!) A cute spacious venue for an afternoon coffee and cake. My coconut cookie was delicious!
Today has been a good day to focus on creative endeavours as I have been spending time with just me. It has been good to have time to focus on this. I think that this is due to independent cafes have a certain vibe about them that inspires creativity. I am currently working on a plan to bring food and Pif together in perfect harmony. I would love to create a space where all walks of life can meet an do there thing a be heard and seen. I think a sense of community is what a lot of people are searching for today. The online world does that in some way, but it isn’t true connection. It doesn’t give you a sense of purpose. Does your Facebook feed give you a reason to get out of bed? Does your instagram fuel your passions or take you further away from them?
There are some people that say cafe culture is ruining modern society. I disagree. If anything it gives people more choices. There are great meeting places. Not everyone wants to go to the pub. Not everyone wants to go for dinner. They want somewhere to sit and relax. Somewhere more gently paced. They can be made into community hubs that can offer a lot more that just coffee and WiFi. We should look at them through a completely different lens than the one that its “only a place that serves overpriced hot drinks”. Yes, you can get a much cheaper drink at home, or if you go to someone’s house. But what if they are embarrassed about there home? What if it is quite small? What if they really need to take time out? They need a place to escape to. What if they need a clear space to get a clear head? What if all that cafe hub bub is a lot more relaxing than their noisy, full of moaning office?
Give that independent coffee shop a try. You are not fuelling a huge corporate machine. You are paying someone’s bills. You are putting food on their table and a smile on their face. As you are supporting something they love.
Oh, Hello! How has your weekend been? Have you had a good October so far??
Today is the night before my birthday. (I will be publishing this on my birthday) It’s also going to be my niece’s 18th birthday. it seems like it was only yesterday that she was a little person dancing to “you look good on the dance floor” at my 30th birthday party. oh to be 18 again!
I’m currently sitting here, thinking about a million different things. Just doing my common garden usual overthinking…..Firstly my niece: Where has the time gone? I haven’t spent enough time with her. Do I really know her? What do you get for someone turning 18 nowadays? Does she know that I care for her? If I’m going to see her on Friday, will she mind that I haven’t arranged anything for tomorrow? Am I doing enough for her?
I’m also thinking so many other thing like: I haven’t spent enough time sorting out my Outrageous October exploits. What more could I be doing to up the Pif game? What’s the next step? Where am I actually going with this? Am I letting the side down? What side would I be letting down anyway by not doing this? Is anyone actually reading this? What is the point of doing this anyway?
So after that freeform waffle, I will try and answer those questions. The point of this is to challenge myself. Push myself out of my comfort zone and be as open, honest and authentic as possible. So what if only a few people read it? That’s not what its about at the moment. (But I would be lying if I said I didn’t want people to read it. there’s a little bit of a show off in all of us if we are honest!)
There are too many people today hiding behind filters and curated images of there life and it is making them sick. I am looking to change this. that is why @thepifsmile instagram feed is not about selfies and perfect images. It’s about creating a warm friendly community. I also enjoy hiding behind words. True face to face connection scares the living bejesus out of me. I find it some much easier to write things down for people. As I am more truthful and honest like this than anywhere else. I think this what leads to true connection. So my thought is if I throw it out into the world on here, it may help me offline too.
Should I feel so wound up and anxious about my niece and her 18th Birthday? Let’s look at this objectively. I’m in Warwickshire and she’s in Cork. I can’t just go there at the drop of a hat. However unlike my absent father who made many promises that he never really followed through on; I will actually seeing her this week. That is surely more important than things? The reason that I picked the picture for this post is because of her. It is something that I created for one of my posts. She said this about me. It made me feel a little like a cup of tea. It even inspired me to write a little poem too. (I will be creating a little poetry corner here soon) But she said this about me and I am barely around for her. She was also asked about people who she felt supported by, and I made it onto the the list. I don’t feel that I am doing anything for her over here. I feel so far away and kinda useless, but apparently I am doing something right!
So what are my hopes for my niece as she heads into adulthood?? Now there’s a big question. To be her own best friend. To able to live a life where she can be truly happy. Give less F*”ks about what other people think. To be her true authentic self. Not let being a woman stand in the way of her doing something she wants. To see the joy in the small things. To be brave enough to step outside her comfort zone. As this is where you can truly grow. To find her passion a purpose in her life. to not leave it as long as me to really live her life!
Hello you, how are you feeling this Thursday? I thought I would check in with you. Today is an important day for every human out there.
Today is World Mental Health day. The one thing that causes sufferers to feel lonely and isolated is the fact that people don’t talk about it. Although it’s getting better, there is still too much stigma surrounding it. Therefore I thought I would talk about my own personal experiences with my own mental health. After all it was my was my own low spot that inspired me too kick all this off properly. Looking back in my life, I think that I have always had issues bubbling under. I have always been an anxious person. I overthink about overthinking. then I’d overthink a little bit more.
From early childhood I was bullied for being different. Our family did not have all the flash things that some of the other families did. This was picked out by the other kids. I had and uncomfortable home life that lead to words hurting me more that I realised at the time. One of my earliest stressful memories at school was I was around 7 years old. I was uncontrollable sobbing in a teachers arms in the middle of a classroom.
When I went to secondary school I thought this would change, but I was wrong. There was more bullying and isolation. In my teens I hit a few dark times that I almost didn’t get out of. They say “stick and stones may break your bones, but names can never hurt me” However if they are consistently used over at least a decade, you start to believe them. You start to believe that things might be better off without you around.
Fast forward to early August 2017 when I started to feel incredibly overwhelmed by all areas of my life. Just before this; in the April 2016 my dad passed away. In that same year I turned 40. Coupled with uncertainty in my day job, things all came to a head in 2017. Near the end of July 2017 I listened to an audiobook called “The Women who went to bed for a year” by Susan Townsend. I could tell that this story really resonated with me. After I listened to the book, I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t work out why. I think it may have been the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.
It was at this point that my body told me to stop. I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. After many, many years of pressure and harsh words, I finally came crashing to a stop. I could not do it anymore. I was scared to leave the house, and I was nervous with people I knew quite well. I just wanted to crawl into a ball and hide under a duvet. At this point I knew I had to do something, so I reached out to my Doctors. I was prescribed antidepressants. At first I was hesitant to take them. But if something could help me I was willing to give it a try.
Some people might say “oh, not another one!” or “cheer up, it’s not that bad” but that doesn’t help anyone. What’s going on it our head can affect all of our health. I know that is the case for me. I had a lot of the physical health issues (Migraines, IBS) that are stress related. I do not think that it is a coincidence that this almost disappeared for quite some time after I started taking the antidepressants. So to me that is a clear link that mental and physical health are linked. I was obviously getting to the root cause of some of my problems.
After a long wait for NHS IAPT services, I finally had some talking therapy and it has helped. I had a bit of a dip again this year, and after some major tinkering of medications and further IAPT appointments I am in a much stronger place than I have ever been. I am currently on my fourth week off antidepressants (with the help of my doctor and a lovely counsellor.) and I feeling a lot more positive about things.
I am not for one minute assuming that I am fixed. growth is an incredibly hard thing that we all do in our own way. I wanted to come off medication as this is my personal choice. However if I need to I would not hesitate to go back on something if I wasn’t coping. If you a diabetic, you need to take insulin. and for some people it is exactly the same with their mental health. I just did not like feeling that I was starting to feel numb.
So hopefully this has offered you some support to show you that you are not alone and that if you really talk authentically with others; more people than you realise have gone through the same as you.
So… that’s gone quickly! Good to see you back. We will have to stop meeting like this, people will start talking!
Why is this little sojourn called Outrageous October? Especially when it’s to do with sharing positivity and kindness? That is a fair comment, I’m clearly hanging out with the right people! I decided on this title as I wanted to show that my kindness objective is the exact opposite to the title. That it’s not outrageous to be kind for the whole month of October. This should be our natural default mode. Our factory reset if you will! (There’s a little of the day job sneaking in there!)
This time I decided to ease myself in gently to doing acts of kindness. I chose a theme for each day of the week to give all my lovely followers pointers of what will be happening on each day of the week. Ladies and Gentlemen we have the following: Motivation Monday, Toe Tapper Tuesday, Wordy Wednesday, Thoughtful Thursday, Free Coffee Friday, Socktober Saturday and Soulful Sunday. (Click the links for the first week shenanigans!)
I have found myself taken aback by my feelings that have been stirred up this time. I constantly hide behind a wall of people pleasing and making other people feel better. I never want anyone to feel how I feel sometimes on the inside. Never feeling good enough, not feeling quite right. Feeling like people are just humouring you. I think that’s why I am focusing first and foremost on people looking after themselves first. Not in a selfish way, but believing in yourself a little more. Mental Health is just as important as physical health.
So before my first “Toe Tapper Tuesday” for the 1st October, I did “first things first”. I thought it is important to start as I mean to go on. Set out my stall if you will. It is my intention to create a kindness movement/community with one main objective; to ease loneliness. No matter how many people you are surrounded by you can feel lonely. With our modern plugged in, tuned out society; there is not enough community that exists. What I am looking to create is a realistic community that revolves around joy, laughter and having fun. It doesn’t mean that you have to ignore the bad things that life throws up, but just a reminder that good people exist and there is joy out there however small. I would love it if you join me on my crusade!
Oh, hello again! lovely to see you here. Would you like to take a seat? Can I get you a cup of tea?? Yes, I know, more sofas, but there’s bean bags too!
I’m glad to see you back. I’m here to tell you all about what we have done so far to spread kindness and smiles. The first of the large scale events that I arranged was Outrageous October back in 2017.
Why October I hear you ask? You are a very bright and perceptive human aren’t you? well, I chose October firstly because this is my Birthday month. It was in late September 2017 that I was starting to get my life back on track. I was on my way back to work which was daunting in itself after not being there for over a month. With the anxiety head on too, you are always worried about what people are think of you. I am glad that a friend gave me a lift in on my first day back as I’m not sure I would have made it in! but I made it through the day.
So I thought I would feel the fear and do it anyway. Right at this time I decided that I wanted to do something to give back the kindness into the community that I had received. At times like this you see what really matters, and that’s why I started some proper work on The Pif Smile.
So I sat down with some of my creative friends to create a plan of action to create a way to share some fun and make some people smile along the way. We sat down in a local pub to decide what kind of things I was going to do over the month of October. I decided that the best idea was to challenge myself to do kind acts for 31 days throughout October. These were to include Book drops, letters to random people, free coffee fridays and “Support Sunday” that gave a shout out to local charity events and some of the best charities that I have come across whilst building this Pif empire of kindness. (At this point it was just a metaphorical teepee and my bus seat on the way to the day job. But now I am currently working on it to make it bigger. Hopefully we will have an actual teepee soon!!)
One of the first things that I started to create were affirmation cards. Little notes with uplifting things written on them. My plan was to leave them around in various places for people to find. A little note in the day to act like the sun poking through the clouds. I was given this idea by a wonderful human called Jodie Ann Bickley who runs “one million lovely letters” She struggles with her Mental Health like I do, and decided to create something beautiful to help other people. She is a badass mental health advocate that is her authentic, beautiful self. If she is having a bad day, she will talk about it in the hope that it will make someone else feel less alone.
Her website, one million lovely letters is somewhere that you can nominate People for a letter. It is for someone who needs support with something (whether that they are going through, or you miss them) and jodi with her small band of lovely letter writers write and send the letters to the people who need them. in this increasingly digital world, isn’t it lovely when we receive something in the post that isn’t a bill?
Affirmation cards to be dotted about town and left on buses to brighten peoples day
As well as affirmation cards I decided to write some letters to people that I felt could do with a lift. I wrote them to my friends and I also sent one to Jodi. As she is a wonderful inspiring person, and I wanted to tell her that. and that she should never stop being herself as she is beautiful.
Here are some of the letters that I wrote as part of Outrageous October. The other is a close up of one of the cards that I couldn’t seem to part with as it is one of my favorite lines from that film!
Anyway, I digress! That may be a common feature here! but then that’s me. Some other things that I did as part of the preparation was to spread myself over social media to get the idea out there and to set up two bigger events within the month. I decided to run a Flash mob afternoon tea for a care home and reverse trick or treating.
These are the lovely cakes that We created for the Afternoon Tea Flashmob
The reverse trick or treating was where some volunteers and I went to a care home with some home made cakes and ourselves to spend time with them. as not everyone can get out for tea and cake (which is one of my favorite things to do!) therefore we decided to take it to them. Three ladies and a baby (sounds like a good remake of a film, don’t you think??) turned up on the 21st October and wandered round Arden House Care Home in leamington spa; armed with cake and smiles to spend some time with the residents. We were given a trolly and took our cakes all around the home and spent some time with the residents. Cake is all well and good, but your time and attention is the most important thing you can give to a person. As we were going around we discovered that it was one of the residents birthday that day, therefore we insisted that we would not leave them without giving then a piece of cake. (as you have to have cake on your birthday, right??)
Free coffee Friday was another element of the kindness challenge.
Every Friday throughout October, I did Free Coffee Friday. Which was inspired by a book called “Kindness :The Little thing that matters most” by Jamie Thurston. Jamie is another beautiful human that set up a charity called 52 Lives. which is a charity that does lots of acts of kindness for people that need it in their hour of need. (Can you tell I did a lot of research and reading whilst I was off??)
In her book she recounts of a incident that happened in a drive through coffee shop in America. It was where one person paid for a coffee for the car behind them. This small single act of kindness spiralled into a half an hour long pay it forward coffee marathon. a beautiful example of what a single act of kindness can do.
For final day of October I did reverse Trick or Treating. I decided to give away treats instead of getting them for myself. I had some sweets donated from a friend of mine as their involvement in Outrageous October. So I created some pails of sweets to deliver to some of my favourite local businesses. So I got up excessively early to deposit my surprises for the local places that I would be open early on that day.
Sooo…. that was the first one. I will be updating my Instagram account over the next few days with this year’s exploits that will be a foot.
Hello! its good to see you here. So you found us? Come on in and sit down and take the weight off your feet and I will tell you what we are all about!
You have probably found your way here from our social media accounts and were wondering what all this is about. Well that is a fine question to ask. I will give you a quick overview of who we are and what we do.
What is The Pif Smile?
It stands for “Pay it forward” to make someone smile
It is a kindness community that is looking to spread kindness and help alleviate loneliness through Random acts of kindness. We will be doing this by using the arts to raise smiles to bring people together.
We are looking to create a community of like minded people on-line and bring it off-line into the real world. (I know, a scary thought isn’t it?!? Its safe and warm here indoors. It’s where all the soft furnishings are!)
That’s exactly why I’m doing this. Try to break the mould and go outdoors, you might just like it!
So What is Pif here to do?
We are here to create a kindness community hub where everyone is welcome
To run kindness pop up events
Document our events
Encourage you all to set up your own events
Share ideas
So you have made it this far, well thanks! It proves that this can’t be too long and it hasn’t made you fall asleep. (but this is a comfy sofa isn’t it?)
The Pif smile 