Oh, Hello! How has your weekend been? Have you had a good October so far??
Today is the night before my birthday. (I will be publishing this on my birthday) It’s also going to be my niece’s 18th birthday. it seems like it was only yesterday that she was a little person dancing to “you look good on the dance floor” at my 30th birthday party. oh to be 18 again!
I’m currently sitting here, thinking about a million different things. Just doing my common garden usual overthinking…..Firstly my niece: Where has the time gone? I haven’t spent enough time with her. Do I really know her? What do you get for someone turning 18 nowadays? Does she know that I care for her? If I’m going to see her on Friday, will she mind that I haven’t arranged anything for tomorrow? Am I doing enough for her?
I’m also thinking so many other thing like: I haven’t spent enough time sorting out my Outrageous October exploits. What more could I be doing to up the Pif game? What’s the next step? Where am I actually going with this? Am I letting the side down? What side would I be letting down anyway by not doing this? Is anyone actually reading this? What is the point of doing this anyway?
So after that freeform waffle, I will try and answer those questions. The point of this is to challenge myself. Push myself out of my comfort zone and be as open, honest and authentic as possible. So what if only a few people read it? That’s not what its about at the moment. (But I would be lying if I said I didn’t want people to read it. there’s a little bit of a show off in all of us if we are honest!)
There are too many people today hiding behind filters and curated images of there life and it is making them sick. I am looking to change this. that is why @thepifsmile instagram feed is not about selfies and perfect images. It’s about creating a warm friendly community. I also enjoy hiding behind words. True face to face connection scares the living bejesus out of me. I find it some much easier to write things down for people. As I am more truthful and honest like this than anywhere else. I think this what leads to true connection. So my thought is if I throw it out into the world on here, it may help me offline too.
Should I feel so wound up and anxious about my niece and her 18th Birthday? Let’s look at this objectively. I’m in Warwickshire and she’s in Cork. I can’t just go there at the drop of a hat. However unlike my absent father who made many promises that he never really followed through on; I will actually seeing her this week. That is surely more important than things? The reason that I picked the picture for this post is because of her. It is something that I created for one of my posts. She said this about me. It made me feel a little like a cup of tea. It even inspired me to write a little poem too. (I will be creating a little poetry corner here soon) But she said this about me and I am barely around for her. She was also asked about people who she felt supported by, and I made it onto the the list. I don’t feel that I am doing anything for her over here. I feel so far away and kinda useless, but apparently I am doing something right!
So what are my hopes for my niece as she heads into adulthood?? Now there’s a big question. To be her own best friend. To able to live a life where she can be truly happy. Give less F*”ks about what other people think. To be her true authentic self. Not let being a woman stand in the way of her doing something she wants. To see the joy in the small things. To be brave enough to step outside her comfort zone. As this is where you can truly grow. To find her passion a purpose in her life. to not leave it as long as me to really live her life!
Happy 18th Birthday you beautiful human!
The Pif smile 